Do Reptilians Run the Government?
While the answer isn’t exactly easy to determine, there is no staggering evidence out there to prove otherwise. In fact, this article may have been written by a reptilian plotting your demise, carefully placing subliminal text in order to gain control of your inferior, human mind (for the purpose of integrity, I promise I am not reptilian–not that you’d ever know for certain). According to Public Policy Polling about 12 million Americans believe lizards are running their country. Before explaining exactly why lizard people may or may not be ruling the country, let’s explore a brief history of this cold-blooded conspiracy.
This idea, made popular by conspiracy theorist and BBC reporter David Icke, suggests that reptilian hominids control society by shape-shifting into human beings, often taking the form of news reporters and globalized political figures (if you haven’t seen YouTube videos of this shape-shifting in action, now is the time).
Armed with the motive to enslave the human race and rob us of our precious resources, these reptoids are unmatchable, unbeatable, and, until lately, undetectable. With claims that their tactics evolved during biblical times (remember the SERPENT that manipulated Eve’s judgement?), we are completely justified in our paranoia. No matter how outlandish this conspiracy seems, we would be foolish to dismiss the possibility of a reptilian-run government. Why? Because we’re inevitably doomed to believe what they subliminally order us to.
With endless internet exposure and a growing number of followers (12 million Americans, to be exact), this conspiracy is just as popular as it is terrifying. If reptilians do harness complete control of our planet, we’re as good as frozen mice. They’re on our televisions, broadcasting on radio stations, spying on us with the help of their little lizard armies in our parks and gardens, and even allowing us to simulate their slimy existence in dangerously addicting video games (Skyrim, anyone?). Sure, these theories seem bogus, but the most probable theory is without a doubt the scariest: that the reptilian race placed a limit on our intelligence during the creation of man, explaining why 95% of our DNA and most of our brains go unused.
Many images of popular demigods display some type of reptilian-human hybridism, and even today’s most common medical symbol—the Caduceus—shows two serpents spiraled around a scepter in a way that too-closely-for-comfort resembles a DNA strand. In fact, there are hundreds of unsettling reptilian references throughout history, but little to no supported claims against them. Whether or not reptoids are ruling the White House, it’s best we forgo the risk of becoming lizard feed and embrace the reptilian race. Hiss hiss.
What about me? You ask. I want to get a prominent ngovernment position, how can I find out if I’m a reptilian! Take this little quiz (based on Icke’s Research):
⁍ Do you have predominance of green or hazel eyes that change color like a chameleon, but also blue eyes? Do people note that they are particularly peircing?
⁍ Do you have true red or reddish hair?
⁍ Do you have low blood pressure? i.e. are you cold all of the time except for in direct sunlight?
⁍ Do you have extra sensory perception?
⁍ Do you have keen sight or hearing?
⁍ Do you have a love of space and science?
⁍ Do you have a sense of not belonging to the human race?
⁍ Do you have a deep compassion for the fate of mankind?
⁍ Do you have unexplained scars on your body?
⁍ Do you possess the capability to affect electrical appliances?
⁍ Were your ancestors filthy stinkin’ rich?
If you answered yes to all of these questions, there’s no proof you’re not a reptilian descendant!